A week-long celebration of guns, God, and fear!

Take a guided tour of the Metropolitan Museum of Art approved by Attorney General John Ashcroft!

President Bush will be airdropped from a stealth bomber onto Ground Zero to accept the nomination and declare war on tactful campaigning!

Country music superstar Toby Keith will be there to perform his smash-hit single"These Colors Don't Read."

Witness the live execution of mentally challenged death row inmate Billy "The Slow Strangler" Berkowitz!

You'll love the Blue Man Group's touchingly irreverent tribute to the history of the World Trade Center!

Kooky the Pro-Life Clown and his pal Charlie McFetus will delight your impressionable children will their unique brand of fundamentalist Christian ventriloquism!